Who’s in the Villain Chair?
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A reflection on drifting relationships and spiritual clarity!
As I walk through this season of aging, I have been thinking about relationships—how some drift, how some end, and how others still carry weight even in their absence.
For a long time, when relationships shifted, I found myself sitting in a quiet courtroom in my mind. And always, without realizing it, I placed someone in the villain chair.
Sometimes it was the friend who didn’t show up.
Sometimes the church leaders who misunderstood me.
Sometimes someone I loved deeply, but who hurt me.
And without meaning to, I had let them sit in that chair while I rehearsed what they did or didn’t do.
But lately, the Lord has been gently asking me to look again.
Scripture reminds us:
“We wrestle not against flesh and blood…” (Ephesians 6:12)
So why do I keep fighting people when the real battle is spiritual?
Here’s what I’m learning:
That villain chair doesn’t belong to them.
It belongs to the enemy—the one who steals, accuses, and deceives.
It belongs to Satan and his lies, not to people who may have lacked discernment, maturity, or healing.
Yes, people cause pain.
Yes, some relationships turn toxic or go silent.
But when I misplace the source of the wound,
I miss the invitation to heal rightly.
Sometimes the person wasn’t malicious—
they were just broken.
Sometimes I misunderstood.
Sometimes it was both of us,
not seeing clearly through the fog of unmet needs.
So now, when a relationship drifts or ends,
I’m learning to ask:
“Does this person really belong in the villain chair?”
Or have I mistaken the symptoms for the source?
Letting go is easier when I separate the person
from the enemy’s plot.
It doesn’t mean I excuse them—-
it means I choose clarity over bitterness.
Because I want to see people,
even those who hurt me,
through the eyes of Christ.
Reflection Questions
Who have I quietly placed in the villain chair?
What pain or pattern led me to do that?
What might shift if I released them—and gave the seat back to the true enemy?
How does Jesus want me to see this person now?
Final Thought
There’s freedom in naming the real enemy.
And peace in letting Jesus rewrite the story.
Let’s not waste our energy on courtroom scenes.
Let’s walk in discernment, love, and yes—boundaries.
Because the villain chair already has an occupant.
And it’s not your sister, your brother, your friend, or your past.
Watch out for the Tiny Book On the Way to Eternity,
where you can dive deeper into this journey of soul release, spiritual clarity, and letting go with grace.
